Emotional ownership in parenting in In rachel getting married(2008), Anne
Hathaway plays Kym, who is released from rehab in order to go to her sister
Rachel's wedding, which takes place at the home of her father, Paul and
stepmother, Carol. The particular scene i've chosen illustrates what happens
when a parent doesn't or won't acknowledge her feelings and/or proper share of
accountability Links Of London
Canada and responsibility, in today terms her own stuff.The child
is then left holding the bag, so to speak, of the parent unowned emotions.
Throughout the movie, kym is portrayed as mostly unstable, reactive, and at
times hostile.Her mother, abby, is shown to be distant and reserved, and not
very involved with the wedding plans.The night before the wedding kym shows up
at abby's.We've learned through the backstory that when kym was 16, already a
drug addict, she was left in charge to babysit her infant brother, ethan.High
while driving, she got into a car accident and ethan was killed. Kym confronts
her mother.It seems to be a conversation they've never had up until then:
Kym:Why did you leave (click here) me in charge of
him?You knew. All ofYou knew. Kym:People told you.I was a junkie.I was a crazy
drug addict.I stole from you. Kym:I lied to your face.I weighed six pounds.My
hair was falling out.I spent every dinner in the bathroom.That was an illness.
Kym:You know what i was.I stayed in my room for days.I passed out all the
time.Not only can we imagine all the pentup emotion that abby has been feeling,
but her attack is a metaphor for her own defense system of denial, a way of
saying that there is no way she is going there, down into her deep, profound
anguish. If abby had been able to shoulder her part of the responsibility for
the accident, kym wouldn't have had to take on the entire emotional burden.But
for abby to do so, she would have had to be able to tolerate her own feelings of
guilt, remorse, shame, grief and selfhatred. Situations such as this are
extreme, but the same dynamic happens on a much subtler scale in other ways in
our families of origin.The child is stuck with what the parent won deal with.A
personal example may serve to illustrate. It was late Pandora Jewelry
Sale at night and i was helping my son with his math homework, a
word problem.It was complex;There were lots of factors, so the task was to
figure out which facts were relevant.I became frustrated"With him"And shamed him
for not understanding the problem.Suddenly i realized that it was me who felt
ashamed because i was unable to understand it.My defense of superiority had
hijacked me into projecting my own shame onto my son.I felt a horrible sense of
shameful incompetence, took a time out, had a good cry, and apologized to my
son.I told him i was having difficulty with comprehending his homework, and that
i could understand how frustrating it must be for him.By my taking ownership of
my own bad feelings, he didn get stuck with them.
没有评论:
发表评论